In the Awareness part of the 3A Toolkit, you learned how to notice your thoughts.

This is important because worry often talks through thoughts. Worry might say things like:

“I can’t do this.”

“What if something bad happens?”

“Everyone will laugh.”

“This is too hard.”

When worry is loud, these thoughts can feel very true. But sometimes worry thoughts are not giving you the whole story. Sometimes they make worry bigger than it needs to be. In this chapter, you will learn how to work with worried thoughts. You do not have to fight them or make them disappear. Instead, you can learn how to notice them, question them, and choose thoughts that are more helpful.

There are two kinds of Thinking Tools you will learn about:

1. Messages of safety

2. Specific helpful thinking

Thinking Tools

In the Awareness part of the 3A Toolkit, you learned how to notice your thoughts.

This is important because worry often talks through thoughts. Worry might say things like:

“I can’t do this.”

“What if something bad happens?”

“Everyone will laugh.”

“This is too hard.”

When worry is loud, these thoughts can feel very true. But sometimes worry thoughts are not giving you the whole story. Sometimes they make worry bigger than it needs to be. In this chapter, you will learn how to use Thinking Tools. Thinking Tools help you notice worried thoughts, add safer and more helpful thoughts, and remind your worry that it does not need to be the boss.

First, Do Not Fight the Thought

When an unhelpful thought shows up, it might feel like you need to push it away.

But trying very hard not to think something can sometimes make your brain think about it even more. Let me show you what I mean:

Try this: do not think about cupcakes.

What did your brain think about? Probably cupcakes.

Thoughts can be funny that way. The harder we try to push them away, the louder they can get. So instead of fighting the thought, you can notice it.

You might say:

“That is a worried thought.”

“That thought is not helping me.”

“My worry is talking right now.”

“My worry is making a big prediction.”

Then you can add a more helpful thought.

You do not have to make the worry thought disappear. You are learning how to add new thoughts that help your worry become the right size and shape.

Use Body Tools First If Worry Is Too Loud

Thinking Tools work best when your body is not too overwhelmed. If your worry alarm is very loud, it may be hard to think clearly. That does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It just means your body may need help first.

When your body feels too fast or too stuck, use a Body Tool first. Move, breathe, stretch, orient, shake, get support, or use a tool that helps your body feel safer. Once your body feels a little steadier, Thinking Tools will be easier to use.

Thinking Tool 1: Safety Messages

When worry gets big, your brain may act like something dangerous is happening.

Sometimes there really is danger, and you need help from a safe adult. But sometimes worry sounds the alarm when you are not actually in danger. It might act like there is a tiger when there is no tiger.

Safety Messages help remind your brain and body:

“I am safe enough right now.”

“This is worry, not danger.”

“There are no tigers here.”

“I can handle this one step at a time.”

Safety Messages are short thoughts you can say to yourself when worry gets loud.

Here are some Safety Messages you can try:

“I am safe right now.”

“There are no tigers here.”

“This is my worry alarm.”

“My body feels worried, but I am safe.”

“This feeling will pass.”

“I can take one small step.”

“I can ask for help.”

“I do not have to do this alone.”

“I can help my worry become the right size and shape.”

Choose two or three Safety Messages that feel right for you.

My Safety Messages:

1.

2.

3.

Thinking Tool 2: Helpful Thought Layers

Some worried thoughts feel very heavy. A heavy worried thought might say:

“I can’t do this.”

“I am all alone.”

“I will never figure this out.”

“Something bad will happen.”

“Everyone will laugh at me.”

“This has to be perfect.”

When a worried thought feels heavy, one helpful thought may not be enough. You may need to add layers of helpful thoughts. Think about putting warm blankets on top of something cold. One blanket helps a little. More blankets help even more.

Helpful thoughts can work the same way. You are not trying to erase the worried thought. You are adding more helpful thoughts on top, until the worried thought does not feel as big, loud, or bossy.

What Makes a Helpful Thought?

A helpful thought should feel believable. It does not have to be perfect. It does not have to be super positive. It just needs to help.

For example, if worry says:

“I can’t do this.”

A helpful thought is probably not:

“I will be amazing at this!”

That might feel too hard to believe.

A more helpful thought might be:

“I can try one small step.”

“I have done hard things before.”

“I can ask for help.”

“I do not have to do it perfectly.”

“I can start.”

Helpful thoughts often do one of three things:

They help you come back to right now.
They remind you what you can do.
They focus on what you can control or choose.

Examples of Helpful Thought Layers

Worried thought:

“I can’t do this.”

Helpful thought layers:

“I can try one small step.”

“I do not have to do it all at once.”

“I can ask for help.”

“I have practiced.”

“I can keep going.”

“I am learning.”

Worried thought:

“Everyone will laugh at me.”

Helpful thought layers:

“My worry is making a scary prediction.”

“I do not know that will happen.”

“Some people may be kind.”

“My safe people want me to do well.”

“I can focus on one friendly face.”

“I can be proud of myself for trying.”

Worried thought:

“Something bad will happen.”

Helpful thought layers:

“There are no tigers here.”

“This is my worry alarm.”

“I am safe enough right now.”

“I can look around and notice where I am.”

“I can use a Body Tool.”

“This feeling will pass.”

Helpful Thought Cards

You can use these Helpful Thought Cards when worry gets too big. Cut them out, copy them, or write your favourites on your own cards.

Examples Safety Thoughts for your Helpful Thought Cards:

I am safe right now.

There are no tigers here.

This is my worry alarm.

This feeling will pass.

I can ask for help.

I do not have to do this alone.

Examples of Brave Step Thoughts for your Helpful Thought Cards:

I can take one small step.

I can try for one minute.

I can start.

I can keep going.

Small steps count.

I can do hard things with help.

Examples Learning Thoughts for your Helpful Thought Cards:

I am learning.

I do not have to be perfect.

Mistakes help me learn.

I can try again.

I am not able to do this yet.

There is more than one way to do this.

Examples of Strength Thoughts for your Helpful Thought Cards:

I am kind.

I am creative.

I am brave for trying.

I can remember my Helping Hand.

I have strengths.

I am enough.

Examples Worry Talking Thoughts for your Helpful Thought Cards:

That is just my worry talking.

My worry is making up stories.

My worry is trying to protect me.

My worry does not need to be the boss.

I can help worry become the right size and shape.

I can listen to worry without letting it choose for me.

Activity: Add Layers of Helpful Thoughts

Write one worried thought in the middle of the page. You can cross the worry thought out.

Then add helpful thoughts around it, one at a time.

You can use Helpful Thought Cards, or you can make your own.

Keep adding helpful thoughts until the worried thought feels smaller, softer, or less bossy. You can use the blank card below to write a helpful thought layer in each square.

Now check in:

Does my worry feel a little smaller? Which helpful thought helped the most?

You’ll know when you have enough helpful thoughts, your worry will feel smaller!

Example of How Cross out the Not Helpful Thought and add Layers of Helpful Thoughts:

My worry is making up stories again

That is just my worry, it is not true

I am safe

Something bad will happen

There are no tigers here

I can handle this

This feeling will pass soon

Worry Stories

Sometimes worry does not just give you one thought. Sometimes worry tells a whole story.

A worry story might sound like this:

“I will mess up my presentation. Everyone will laugh. My teacher will be disappointed. I will never want to speak in class again.”

Worry stories can feel very real, especially when your body feels worried too. But a worry story is still a story. It may not be the whole truth. When you notice a worry story, you can ask:

“Is this story helping me?”

“Is worry making the story too big?”

“What else could be true?”

“What would be a more helpful story?”

You do not have to argue with worry for a long time. Sometimes arguing with worry just keeps you stuck in the worry story. Instead, you can use the 3A Toolkit:

Awareness: “I notice a worry story.”

Assign a Label: “This is worry.”

Action: “I can use a Body Tool or add Helpful Thought Layers.”

Writing a More Helpful Story

A more helpful story does not pretend everything is easy. It tells the truth in a kinder, braver, and more balanced way.

Worry story:

“I can’t do this presentation. I will mess up and everyone will laugh.”

More helpful story:

“Presentations are hard for me, and I feel worried. I can use my Body Tools first. I can take one small step. I practiced, and I can focus on what I know. I do not have to be perfect. I can be proud of myself for trying.”

A helpful story can include:

What is hard.

What is true right now.

What strengths you have

Who can help you.

What small step you can take.

What else could happen besides the scary thing.

Three Ways to Build a Better Story

1. Grow Roots

Your roots are your strengths, supports, and safe people.

Before you try to fix the worry, remember what helps you feel steady.

You can ask:

“What strengths do I have?”

“Who is on my team?”

“What helps me feel safe?”

“What have I already tried?”

2. Zoom Out

Worry can make your attention get very small. It can make you stare only at the scary part.

Zooming out means looking at the bigger picture.

You can ask:

“Will this feeling last forever?”

“What else is happening besides worry?”

“What might I think about this later?”

“What good things are still true?”

3. Add the Next Chapter

Worry might act like the hard moment is the whole story.

But it is not the whole story.

You can ask:

“What do I want the next small step to be?”

“What would help the next part go better?”

“What would I want to say to myself?”

“What would a kind grownup say to me?”

Activity: My Worry Story and My Helpful Story

My worry story says:

A more helpful story could be:

Worry Dump

Sometimes worried thoughts spin around and around in your mind. A Worry Dump can help you put the worries on paper instead of holding them all in your head. A bit like you’re ‘parking’ your worries on paper so they are not in your head anymore.

Set a timer for a short time. For younger kids, try 2 to 5 minutes. Older kids may try a little longer. Write or draw all the worries that show up. You do not have to spell everything perfectly. You do not have to make it neat. You can use words, pictures, scribbles, or a mix.

When you are done, look at the page with a safe grownup or put it away.

Then ask:

“Is there one worry I need help with?”

“Is there one small step I can take?”

“Which Body Tool or Thinking Tool could help me now?”

A Worry Dump is not for making worries bigger. It is for getting worries out of your head and onto paper so you can see them more clearly.

Fill out the My Thinking Tools Plan so you can practice adding thoughts that will help worry be the right size.

Remember

You do not have to believe every worried thought.

You do not have to fight every worried thought.

You can notice the thought, name it as worry, and add helpful thought layers.

With practice, your Thinking Tools can help worry become the right size and shape.

Small steps count

Worry tools for kids